Why Is It So Hard to Lose?
Recently, while watching a Roland Garros match between Aryna Sabalenka andDiana Shnaider, I witnessed something that caught my attention far more thanthe result itself.
Sabalenka ended up losing the match after being bageled 6-0 in the third set.That alone was a huge surprise, but what interested me even more was herpost-match interview.
At the beginning of the interview, she said: "Nothoughts, no emotions.
Just want to quit tennis right now." How can a player with such a successful career feel like quitting tennis aftera single loss? What causes players to take losses so hard? Why is it sodifficult to accept that losing is simply part of the process and that nobodycan win all the time? The emotions that follow a defeat can be overwhelming, even for the bestathletes in the world, and I would love to explore this topic more deeply.
Imagine that you put every possible effort into becoming a high-level bowlingplayer.
You never miss practice.
You spend extra hours working on yourphysical game and your mental preparation.
You make sacrifices, staydisciplined and dedicate years to improving.
Yet, when tournament day arrives,you are unable to perform at the level you know you are capable of.
Before we go any further, let me remind you of one important fact: Bowling isa sport where even the best players lose far more often than they win.
Because of that, every player needs to define what winning truly means tothem.
Is winning finishing in the top 10 consistently? Is it making the cut at everytournament? Is it improving your average over the course of a season? These goals should be part of your preparation because they help reshape yourperspective on winning and losing.
If your only definition of success islifting the trophy, disappointment will be inevitable.
However, if success ismeasured by growth, consistency and execution, every tournament becomes anopportunity to move forward.
So why is losing so difficult? Here are some of the main reasons.
Ego Yes, ego plays a huge role and, in many cases, it can be our biggest enemy.Every person on the planet has an ego.
It affects each of us differently, butit is always there.
The interesting part is that we were not born with it.
Wecame into this world as children with no expectations, no judgments and noopinions - just curiosity and a desire to explore.
Over time, our experiences, achievements, failures, environment andrelationships begin to shape our identity.
Slowly, our ego develops alongsideus.
Take a moment and think about what has shaped your ego into what it is today.Sit down with a piece of paper and write it out.
You may discover that some ofyour thoughts, expectations and reactions are actually standing in the way ofbecoming the person you want to be.
Not a better person for others - but a better person for yourself.
A personwho understands themselves.
A person who can show themselves respect,gratitude and self-love.
A person who can look in the mirror every morning andsay: "Good morning, I'm doing a great job and no matter what happens today, Iwon't let myself down." Not because you won.
Not because you lost.
But because you know how much workyou are putting into your development as a player and as a person.
That effort, commitment and discipline are things nobody can ever take awayfrom you.
And sometimes, that shift in perspective changes everything.
When you start living according to your own values rather than theexpectations of others, losing begins to look different.
Instead of seeing itas proof that you are not good enough, you start seeing it as feedback,experience and another lesson that helps you grow.
Expectations There are other reasons why losing can be so difficult besides ego.Expectations that are disconnected from the reality of your current level canhit hard if you do not truly understand what it takes to perform at a highlevel.
We all know players who have only recently started bowling and becomefrustrated with the lanes when they face the reality of competition.
We alsoknow players who have been bowling for years without a clear purpose, propercoaching or a structured plan, yet still feel that they "deserve" to win.
To set realistic expectations, you need to sit down and honestly evaluatewhere you are.
Write down what you expect from yourself and compare it to yourpractice habits, technical knowledge, mental preparation and long-termplanning.
Nothing will happen simply because you want it to happen or because you expectit to.
No visualization and no manifestation can replace the work that needsto be done on the lanes.
Once you understand what proper preparation really looks like and startputting in the work both on and off the lanes, losing begins to feel lighter.It becomes less of a personal failure and more of a natural part of thejourney.
Motivation and Commitment So, do you have what it takes to win? Or are you simply waiting for success toarrive on its own? What is the missing piece? During my coaching career, I sometimes meet players who genuinely want toimprove.
They show up to practice and talk about their goals, but something ismissing.
They throw the ball, but without real awareness or intention.
As acoach, I can see that their mind is somewhere else.
As a result, improvement never comes.
Their personal schedule suddenly becomesan obstacle.
They attend fewer and fewer practices until they are only showingup once a month for an empty session with no real purpose.
The motivation is simply not there.
Some players struggle to find it, evenwhen they try.
Others have motivation, but it is focused on the wrong things.They stay involved in bowling because of their friends, the travel or thesocial aspect of the sport.
There is nothing wrong with that, but they stillexpect competitive success without making the necessary commitment.
Then, when they lose, it feels like another nail in the coffin.
The difficultpart is that they are often unable to see the missing pieces that led to thatresult.
The important question is whether it is possible to change yourmindset and discover genuine internal motivation.
People grow throughout their lives.
Their thinking changes.
Their prioritieschange.
Their desires and ambitions change as well.
My personal opinion is that motivation can be developed and strengthened fromwithin.
It is possible.
However, there are times when people realize it toolate.
By then, years of time, money and sometimes even great talent have beenwasted - talent that could have been developed into something special.
Your Weekly Bowling Digest The latest bowling news, tips, and gear reviews - all wrapped up in a quick3-minute read delivered straight to your inbox.
Subscribe Now Conclusion Yes, losing is one of the hardest parts of our bowling journey and yes,everybody loses.
When you enter a tournament, 99% of the participants willlose, with or without you there.
But does that define them as people or asplayers? Do you even think about all the others who lost alongside you? Theanswer is a big NO.
You probably do not even think about them.
The next time you meet them atanother bowling center, you will greet them exactly the same way you alwayshave.
Because losing is largely about how we see it personally.
Unfortunately, inthose moments, we tend to focus only on ourselves.
We see ourselves when wewin and we see ourselves when we lose.
Maybe someone will comfort us during a difficult tournament or celebrate withus during a successful one, but in the end, it is our own perception thatmatters most.
Learning to set our minds correctly is one of the hardest parts of the bowlingjourney.
Yet, it is also one of the most important.
Only then can we learnfrom every loss, move forward and step onto the lanes again.
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